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| it is hard for me in rejecting the status quo to be again accepted by an oppsing faction. when youve stood against yourself for so long. when youve denied what youve thought, been taught for so long. it is really hard to to tell what is right and what is wrong. ultimatley what guides cannot be right in that it is fundamentally not myself. what opposes me resides outside my realm of view. what exists in me is what must shine through. i dont believe there is anyway i could properly discuss how disctracted i get by the forces outside. if all i am doing is reacting to the stimuli provided. is my indesiscion really all that orignal. realizing my ineffectiveness at conveying my ideas. realizing that i cant control anyones reaction beyond my own. walking on eggshells will only break them. by not producing i am only cheating myself. the great wealth .. the great wealth that is.. just because someone is doing something better doesnt mean i shouldnt. if only for myself. . if only for my niche. one should not only consume, but produce.
its is hard. the words that float through my head. their art is so beautiful. if only.. or at least it would be my hope that i could too produce works that one could redefine oneself through. |
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was it always like this? like as i am now. is that it? was there ever more of me? am i missing a piece or... what, idk |
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| its easier just to forget what got me here. its the same place ive always been. residing in time the lines i read, boring. ive made commitments that shouldnt be absolved. i shouldnt be here. this life is very trite and trivial. well, we'll see how court goes huh. perhaps im just an artist whose given up, but every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around. pill bottles and therapy, wonderful travesty. wrecked cars without reason. perhaps three months in jail would do me good.
ri-dic-u-lous, josh |
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